Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
