It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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