I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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