Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
