If that was your dad, he is hot
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
