I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So much Jack, so little girl.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
