My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
