I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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