I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do vagina's smell?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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