out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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