The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
