Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
