Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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