If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
