so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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