Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
