Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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