Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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