I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
