Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
time to smoke my breakfast
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
