For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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