I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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