for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
