It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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