Pappa wants mamma naked
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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