Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
