He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
