I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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