it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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