Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
