he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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