M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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