life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
