in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
