Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
