Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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