Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
