I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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