wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
