I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
