The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
