Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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