Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
