But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
