your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
