I accidentally burped into my bong.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
