You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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