I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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