sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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