I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
