We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
