So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
